


It's All Fun And Games (til someone loses an eye)

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 11:06:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16952832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Some days Director Fury really doesn’t like his job.  Those days are mostly when other people are involved, and by other people, he means specifically Tony Stark.





	It's All Fun And Games (til someone loses an eye)

Director Nick Fury sat at his desk staring dramatically off into the middle distance, his one good eye focused on some point as his mind tried to clear itself and get his raised blood pressure to drop a little. Anybody walking in would take one look at the expression on his face and exit immediately. It was very obvious that he had reached the end of his patience and the next person to deliver something he didn’t want to hear was going to get his wrath full force. Grinding his teeth slightly if anyone could have tapped into his internal monologue they would have been terrified and amused in equal measure. 

Looking down at the paperwork in front of him he let out a low growl. He was Nick fucking Fury so why the ever loving fuck was he dealing with this shit? The memo in his hand stated VERY clearly that claiming a section of the Helicarrier as a sovereign territory by planting a flag in said section did NOT make it a kingdom and so did NOT provide diplomatic immunity for any citizens of ‘Starklandia’ or Bartonopolis’ and that there would be consequences for anyone getting involved in the ridiculous game some of the Avengers were engaged in to amuse themselves. This was not the first memo of this sort he had to issue. In fact, it wasn’t the first memo of the day. Fury had already called off ‘Shawarma Wednesday’ and ‘Dress Like A Frozen Super Soldier’ Friday. It felt like he was dealing with a mini Hydra on his own damned base. Either that or a Kindergarten. 

“Director Fury…” a tentative voice broke his thoughts and if looks could kill the poor intern would have been Jackson Pollocked all over the wall behind him. “… there’s an incident on the flight deck.”

Striding down the corridor to the flight deck people jumped out his way, paperwork was knocked out of hands, in fact it wouldn’t have been totally unexpected for some badass music to be playing as everything went into slow motion and wind from an unknown source blew his awesome jacket back, rippling in the non-existent breeze. This was it. He was going to personally shoot Tony fucking Stark in his god damned smirking face. All these ridiculous things he had been fighting ultimately came down to the overgrown child with more money than maturity. The doors automatically opened with that self-satisfied swooshing noise that made him feel like a Jedi opening them with his mind but even that thought did nothing to appease the growing anger building inside him. Stepping foot on the flight deck he opened his mouth to yell the errant billionaires' name but before it could leave his lips he was accosted with a pain shooting through his eye which would have had a weaker man doubled over in pain. “WHAT THE FUCK! STARK THAT WAS MY GOOD FUCKING EYE YOU ASSHOLE! I AM ASSUMING THAT WAS STARK BECAUSE IF I FIND OUT IT WAS ANY OF YOU OTHER MOTHER FUCKERS I SWEAR I’, GONNA KILL A BITCH! YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOUR GODDAMNED SELVES GROWN ASS MEN RUNNING AROUND LIKE LITTLE CHILDREN CAUSING DAMAGE TO PROPERTY AND SHOOTING…WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SHOOT IN MY EYE?”

“Erm, lemon juice?” An unidentified voice called out and Fury spun round to face that direction, his eye felt like it was on fire.

“LEMON JUICE? WHY THE EVER LOVING FUCK WOULD YOU BE SHOOTING LEMON JUICE? YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING KNOW.” 

“To be fair Director…” A voice that sounded suspiciously like a certain former Russian spy began only to be shot down in flames.

“WHAT THIS SITUATION REQUIRES IS A WHOLE LOT MORE OF YOU SHUTTING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASS UP!”

“Maybe you should watch your language, Sir.” That one sounded like Starks impression of Steve.

“WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES SAID THAT? SAY THAT AGAIN, I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHER FUCKER TO SAY THAT AGAIN! YOU’D ALL BEST FUCKING STRAP IN BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO OPEN A FUCKING CAN OF KICK YOUR GIANT, OVER INFLATED EGO ASSES YOU BUNCH OF COCKSUCKING FOOL.”

“Hate to point this out and all but, you kinda have to catch us first,” Stark smirked and Fury could hear that damned grin of his in his voice followed by the sound of his jets indicating the asshole had just flown away. Letting out a growl he could hear the sound of the others scurrying away and he let out a defeated sigh. 

“Goddamn it, I don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap.”


End file.
